Of Birds
by hiding duh
Summary: Jack/Elizabeth. Because future generations will ask awkward questions, too.


I'm not illiterate, I swear. 

—

In retrospect, it was Mrs. Martin that done started it.

She was goin' 'bout her business as usual, tossin' Mr. Martin's breeches out her window as was her Tuesday habit, bless 'er, when she saw t' strange Miss Swann scurryin' about, all proper like, lookin' ta find herself press ganged.

Again.

So when poor Mr. Martin was allowed back inta his chambers, Mrs. Martin told him, all hushed and importantly, "I reckon she's off ta find that pirate."

Mr. Martin, who were loaded ta the Gunwhales, as was _his_ Tuesday habit, rolled o'er in bed, and dreamt of havin' a few extra bachelor's wives.

In the mornin', strangely enough, he was mindin' his own when ol' Nicholas Knowles turned from the latrine, looked upon t' ocean, and said, "I do belie'e the go'ernor's daughter's eloped again."

"Aye!" replied Mr. Martin, much surprised ta magically know this 'ere bit. "She be with them cursed pirates. Again."

Though he thought it real unseemly, Mr. Knowles forged ahead ta inform his granddaughter of these wholly uninterestin' tidings.

"She went ta have 'is young'un," he gushed excitedly. "And seein' as she's only learnt of it yesterday, bugger prolly don't know yet!"

Mistress Knowles poured him a few drops less, sayin' he oughtn't fabricate such improper stories, then quietly slipped off ta tell her sprog, "Miss Swann left 'er babies on some there island in the Caribbean!"

The sprog went on ta his ship, and while cookin', confided in the Secretary-elect that there was a governor's daughter out there—one o' them succubi what made good men and pirates run ashore.

When his ship docked, the Secretary-elect paid a visit ta his portly mistress and was ta be promptly thankin' her fer not bein' a bewitchin' hellion of lust like that rotten Elizabeth Swann, when his humble Mistress Shelly was immediately decidin' that Elizabeth Swann had took her man's attention, cryin', "That cursed pirate woman!" as she threw 'erself in t' ocean.

Mr. Joseph Bennit, who was appendin' a bit of canvas ta his boat, unexpectedly o'erheard this beautiful occasion, and later wrote of the maiden Elizabeth, whose restless spirit was forever roamin' the seas, lookin' fer her captain's company.

"A little poppet," his wee girl added, fiddlin' with 'er puppet. "They had a little poppet and they named her Catherine."

Their maid, whose name also happened ta be Catherine, ripped them pages, all secret like, sealed them in a' empty rum bottle, and smartly sent it off ta sea with a partin' "Use me name, ey, ye she-devil?"

Young Miguel, who'd done deserted his Spanish Queen and was stranded on a' island like a true motherson, stumbled upon t' bottle and was much disheartened ta find it filled with paper. As he could scarce read five words, he lobbed it o'er his shoulder, whar it was swallowed by a good great shark, along with a good great chunk o' Miguel's leg.

Luckily and fur... fort... fertuitously—_by_ _chance_, Cap'n Waters, at present, was settin' 'bout plunderin' the Spanish Main when he found tha sauteed shark he'd had fer supper ta be partakin' in literature.

So 'twas Cap'n Waters, then—bein' half a great romantic and 'alf mad as a salted herring—who, whereupon learnin' what'd be transpirin' betwixt curs_ed_ Cap'n Jack and pain_ed _Miss Elizabeth, swung down by ol' Davy Jones' locker ta reunite that him and that her.

'Course, when t' magical moment transpired and they was all congregatin' together, all Miss Swann were choosin' to say was, "..._Jack._"

And all Cap'n Sparrow were choosin' to reply with was, "Pirate."

"Coward," she then huffed.

"Traitor," he parried.

"Rum?" she offered.

"Poisoned?" he asked.

Ta which she smirked all pirate like and said, "Only with alcohol, Captain Sparrow."

And they say Jack Sparrow gave 'er a... er... a warm, friendly handshake then... and... ah... 'tis how ye came ta be. Due ta, er, Mrs. Martin and such.

"A-aye, 's 'xactly how it happened," Gibbs finished, and took a swig of grog.

The children exchanged dubious glances.

"You will, of course, pardon us if we don't quite believe you," said the younger.

"And doubly pardon us if we absent ourselves from your fine company this night, Mr. Gibbs," continued the older piously.

"Thank you for... not answering our questions," waved the younger with a patronizing sigh.

Gibbs watched them toddle off below deck.

"Yarr, be yer mum and pa's job ta explain it ta ye anyway," he mumbled, but not loud enough to actually be heard by anyone but Mr. Cotton's parrot.

And the only thing Mr. Cotton's parrot seemed inclined to reply with was, "Daft like Jack, rawwk."


End file.
